Photo attribution: http://www.flickr.com/photos/27467248@N07/ / CC BY 2.0
Oh, hello there. I didn’t hear you come in. Have a seat, and welcome. My name is Christian, and I’ll be your host today. Welcome to Hyperspace Pasta. You may be asking yourself, “who the hell is this person?” or “why am I here?” or “why is there pasta in hyperspace?” or “why is this fine fellow’s prose so wonderfully, gloriously constructed, in the manner of a grammatical deity?” These are all important questions, and I refuse to answer them. Because, in actuality, there are no questions being asked, because this is the very first entry in this blog, meaning there is no one currently reading this in order to have questions about it. You, whoever you are, are reading this in the future, after having discovered this blog on its 147th, or whatever, post, and were so impressed by my brilliance that you have decided, nay, insisted on going back and reading this blog from the very beginning. But perhaps you are a thick sort, and need to be told what this blog is about, and why you are reading it, even though you are already reading it. In the future.
This blog is an exercise in word vomit. No! Word pasta. No, seriously, I am, to put it mildly, a verbose and talkative guy. I have many, many, many, many interests, and once I get started talking about them, I never stop. So, rather than torment my friends and family further, I’ve decided to torment all of you, gentle readers (who will mostly be culled from friends and family to start, so hooray for efficiency!), and give myself an outlet to get all of these glistening, squealing, freshly birthed alien parasitoids a nice solar plexus to burst out of, and a moist air duct to grow up and thrive in, whilst systematically picking off the crew one-by-one, leaving the plucky heroine for last. Like a nice nursery school, if it were taught by Ambassador Kosh and John Crichton and located on the Death Star (“who the what where?” 90% of you just said, and don’t worry, I’ll eventually get you familiar with all of that).
What are these mysterious interests? …Listing them could take some time. There really are a lot. But here are the main ones: science fiction, fantasy, comic books, video games, film, politics, architecture, science, urban planning, mass transit, world history, and my hometown of New York. Knowing me, 90% of this blog will be dedicated to science fiction. There will be swearing. I will have strong opinions, and will call some of you very bad words because I am obviously right about everything, and you are not.
So, perhaps you are reconsidering reading this blog? Well, in that case, I won’t stop you. Leave! Go back to your Perez Hiltons and your Gawkers. But know this: I have a photographic memory, and can argue with you about whether or not Slaanesh from Warhammer 40,000 is actually male or female for an hour, and then talk about the history of Playboy Playmates for the hour after that, and then talk about what cities the NFL should consider expanding into, and why the league deliberately keeps Los Angeles on the table as a bargaining chip for the hour after that, and then wrap it up by discussing what is the best sort of rum to use in a rum and cola, and what Manhattan bar mixes the best one. …While also explaining, in excruciating detail, what Subway lines will get you there and why those Subway lines are called what they are called and why those Subway lines are colored what they are colored and why those Subway lines are located where they are located.
…I also really, really like to cook complicated pasta dishes. Yes. There will be recipes.
Oho. I see I have piqued your interest. Well, then, come in, put your feet up, have a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. Let us debate.
New York, NY
March 4, 2014
Hyperspace Pasta 
